- “Shaq’s arrogance is an insult to people who think.”
- “Why is Scottie Pippen taking a charge? Taking a charge is for people with no game!”
- “At 49, I can say something I never would have said when I was a player, that I’m a better person because of my failures and disgraces.”
- “Growing up, my parents were very, very strict. And then I went to UCLA with John Wooden, who was just off the charts.”
- “Tracy McGrady is doing things we’ve never seen from anybody – from any planet!”
- “Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It’s up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards.”
- “John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!”
- “Show some respect to this living legend, this hall of famer…Arvydas Sabonis.”
- “The only way Danny Schayes is getting into the hall of fame is if he pays the $5.99 admission fee.”
- “When I think of Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven in the age of the romantics.”
- “If Eric Piatkowski continues playing at this level, he’s going to replace Jerry West on the NBA logo.”
- “That was one of the worst passes I’ve ever seen, and certainly the worst pass in the history of the San Antonio Spurs.”
- “Cuttino Mobley has just made the two worst shot attempts in the history of this proud Houston Rockets franchise.”
- “I told Luke, you’re young, you’re rich, and you’re living in Beverly Hills. If you’re not having the time of your life right now, I have failed you as a father.”
- “Amare Stoudamire! Winner of the genetic lottery!”
- “Come on, that was no foul! It may be a violation of all the basic rules of human decency, but it’s not a foul.”
- “Yesterday we celebrated Sir Isaac Newton’s discovery of gravity, today, Fabricio Oberto is defying it.”
- “I’m mainstream. Always have been.”
- On Rasheed Wallace: “He’s like a four-armed Dikembe Mutombo around the basket!”
- “But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it’s the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan’s beard look good.”
- Exchange between Bill and Snapper Jones: “That’s a terrible defensive effort by Robert Horry. He didn’t even make it difficult for Rasheed Wallace to score.” Snapper: “Well, what do you expect? Earlier you said that Wallace could be one of the best players in the game, and now you want Robert Horry to guard him one-on-one?” Bill: “No, I said that Rasheed could be the best player in the game.”
- Exchange between Bill and Tom Hammond: “John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!” Tom: “Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement. I guess I don’t have a good handle on world history.” Bill: “Well Tom, that’s because you didn’t go to UCLA.”
- “Patrick Ewing used to be much better in every aspect of the game.”
- “Tonight the Spurs look to extend their lead to 3-0 over the Lakers. This time, however, they will have to do it on the Lakers’ home court. Duncan and Shaq have been magnificent for both teams, but so far the edge has gone to San Antonio. However, the real story line that awaits us tonight in Los Angeles is whether or not Kobe Bryant will actually throw a pass!”
- “Oh my, Kobe is really putting on a show out there. He’s making Ray Allen look like a sixth grader!”
- “Save some for later? Balderdash…this is the playoffs!”
- On Larry Johnson’s lackluster performance in the NBA Finals: “What a pathetic performance by this sad human being. This is a disgrace to the game of basketball and to the NBA. He played like a disgrace tonight. And he deserved it.”
- More Larry Johnson railing: “Why would the Pacers ever double-team Larry Johnson? He wants to be double-teamed so he can pass. Why is Indiana double-teaming a man who only scores 8 points a game?”
- “Memo to Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker: Couldn’t you wait until at least the All-Star break to have the franchise suffer its worse loss in its storied history? Bill Russell just called looking for an address to send his 11 championship rings back to the Celtics because he is so disappointed.”
- “This Portland team is nothing more than a band of pranksters.”
- On Kevin Garnett: “He’s been working out in the off-season, on that incredible computer generated body he has.”
- On Rasheed Wallace: “The only thing he is worth is another team’s mistake. This guy has ruined every situation he has been in. This is a classic underachiever.”
- After Brent Musberger teased him about his criticism of Rasheed Wallace.”Not a critic, just a reporter of facts.”
- “Hey i’m for anything that keeps Charlie Ward out the game”
- “Oylden Polynice, make a layup pleeeeeeeaaaaaasssseee!”
- “The only man who can stop Cliff Robinson is Cliff Robinson. The man is unstoppable even at 38.”
- “Shaq makes everyone else in the league look like Michel Tafoya.”
- Walton: “That has to be a foul.” Snapper: “Against who?” Walton: “Against the game of basketball.”
- “If they ever get this cloning thing right, we can only hope they duplicate the good guys. The last thing we need are more Shawn Bradley’s and Michael Olowokandi’s. Or more people with the attitude of Gary Payton or the confusion of George Karl.”
- “You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightning bolt flashed before him.”
- “The art of tossing up the jump ball has really declined. These officials need to spend more time practicing in off-season.”
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